I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
