he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
