4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
