Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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