I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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