So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
