Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Drunk is not a location!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
