she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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