I just threw up on my dentist
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
