i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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