If i come over, it means nothing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my shit smells like andre
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
