TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
