I wish I could teleport
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize