I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
