I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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