I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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