it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
