Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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