he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
