he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
