my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
