yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
