im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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