i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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