Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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