Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
