So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
