Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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