Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
