Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
did i just pee glitter
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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