dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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