is your mom at the bar?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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