I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize