I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize