I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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