i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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