Betty ford says i'm here all night
Say something about gay babies.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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