I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
