Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
