last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
