hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
