end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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