so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
