So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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