the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
