my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
