For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
