quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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