Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
