Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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