how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
