Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize