who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
