I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
