i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
