2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need water and some morals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
