There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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