I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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