Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize