you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
