You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
