Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
