Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
